Back again...

Here I am back again....This time I am not in such great spirits. Feeling rather down actually. I have been rather stressed, no scratch that...too passive. I am stressed the fuck out!!! I hate feeling like this. I feel like everything is going to come crashing down at any minute. I am easily irritated and frustrated. My anxiety is through the damn roof. I am trying to keep a positive outlook on life but it is so hard when I feel like everywhere I turn I run into a brick wall with a sign that says nice try but you fail asshole. That's really what I feel like I am doing, just failing. I have come to the conclusion that I just suck at life. I feel like a failure as a mom, wife, daughter, friend, sister, lover, human being.

I am going back into counseling. I have had my evaluation. I got told yet again that I have PTSD....oh big surprise there. The Psychiatrist added Seroquel XR to my list of prescriptions. I took it for the first time tonight. From what I understand I will either really love it or really hate it. I took it over an hour ago and I am still feeling the same panic/anxiety attack I have been feeling all afternoon. I really hope this helps. I am sick of being an angry, irritable, scared bitch all the time. I am sure I am not the only one who is sick of me being this way. Everything irritates me and I get bored with things so quickly.  The things I used to love are now more just meh ok. I dont like that. I hope this counselor can help.

It's Been A While.

So I realized it has been a while since I have blogged. I just recently realized that it has been almost 4 years since my attack. March 22 will be 4 years since my life changed forever, and consequently the lives of everyone around me. I have come so far since then. I have been through A LOT of therapy. I have finally found and married the love of my life, my soul mate.

I have done some reflecting lately. I have looked at how much my life has changed and how far I have come since that day. I have done some looking back at my life and where I have been and where I want to go. I have realized, there are some things from my past that I thought I had dealt with that I have just stuffed down inside me and ignored.

These things have brought me back here. I have looked back at all the relationships in my adult life and realized how they have formed me and my views on most things in life. It has really opened my eyes.